Peace out, pudge!

My period is making me feel like a beached whale today.

I would really like to get out of bed, do my hair, put on a cute outfit and do my makeup and be attractive, but I would ALSO like to just lay here and…not do any of those things.

My friend pointed out a good idea—the college across the street from my loft has stairs of doom that the students have to climb up; why not good a get workout in on them?

Depending on my allergies when I get off work, I might give it a shot tonight. As of right now I’m breathing like that kid from Hey Arnold who always used to pop up behind Helga, so that’s a no-go. Fuck you too allergies. Nobody likes you either.

Alright alright I’m dragging myself out of bed—I’m going to grab a protein box from Starbucks for breakfast. I love those things. They have grapes, apples, 3 tiny slices of cheese, muesli bread,1 egg, and just enough organic peanut butter to help stave off cravings. SO GOOD. GET IN MY MOUTH.

I’m the devil (in this picture, or in real life, depending on who you’re talking to). This was Halloween 2006 and I often reference this time as being one where I was EXTREMELY happy with my body. In every picture from this night, I look confident and free with my poses. I am not angled a certain way so that my double chin is hidden; my arms aren’t on my hips so they don’t look fat. I was just FREE.

I was tan. My hair was shiny. I had no body image issues. I wasn’t binging. I was smiling. 

This is what I’d like to reach again.

But when I get there it will be even better this time, because I will have actually worked for it.

I am my own motivation.

beaucoupshade:

It upsets me when people assume big girls rarely get any attention from fine men.

Like, when I was in a class and I said that D’angelo and Angie Stone were together, people were like “Really? Good for her!” As if D’Angelo was doing Angie a favor or some shit. Can people get it out of their minds that fat chicks don’t deserve or can’t get a good looking man?

I agree with this. A few years ago, when I was at my highest weight (over 150; I’m 5’3, for reference), I was getting a LOT of attention from really good looking guys…including a super hot firefighter *brushes shoulder off.* Bigger chicks can definitely get just as much attention from [attractive] guys, and anyone who thinks they don’t DESERVE it should go choke on a cheeseburger.

(via under--pinkmoonlight)

Hi. I’m at work. It’s Sunday. I do not want to be here, stuck at a desk, when it is sunny outside. I am also an allergy-ridden, crampy PMS monster who wants to share a gross story with you because I have nothing else going on. Health related posts will commence after I write this one.  

I went with my boyfriend and his mom and sister [who I’m in love with] to see The Great Gatsby on Friday night. The movie was good, Leo was perfection, I want to wear ALL the outfits, blah blah blah. The real point of this story is that the guy who sat behind me was Snorty McSnorterson and literally snorted and hocked his entire way through the movie. And not quiet, I have allergies so it’s hard to breathe or I’m getting over a head cold and need to sniffle every once in a while snorts either. But gigantic, loogie-hocking repulsive-ass SNORTS.

I. Was. Disgusted.

Serious love scene? SNORT.

Intense fight scene? SNORT SNORT.

Big climactic ending? SNORTSNORTSNORTSNORT

SICK.

Anyway. That’s all. I needed to share my disgust with someone else, and I chose you—sorry, followers <3

Uhh I wrote a decently-sized update earlier and it apparently didn’t post. Don’t cockblock me, Tumblr, I’m just trying to love you! I’m going to try and remember everything I wrote:

• So I unknowingly over-did it with my cookie allowance on Thursday. I got new ones for my daily cookie intake that I’ve been doing, without realizing just how “bad” those new ones were. I went to plug them into my points for the day and realized they basically WERE my points for the day. On Friday I headed into work with the remainder of the cookies with a note on top that read, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP THESE AWAY FROM ME,” put them on my friend’s desk, and that was the end of that. 
• Today I was on my feet ALL day. James and I got a lot done today; we got plants for the loft and some wood for the bar that we’re making in the living room. We were running around hardware stores all day long. It was good exercise.
• THEN one of my friends stopped by and we went for a long ass walk together since it’s nice out tonight and I was showing her the new place and new area. We talked a lot about my struggle with binging and my new Weight Watchers membership. It was nice to be doing something productive while discussing all that. 
• That’s all I can remember for now. 

Updates tomorrow; I work from 9am-6pm and will most likely be bored…sucks for youuuu because I’m about to blow up your dash!

Until tomorrow!

<3

I just went an entire week without binging

And it wasn’t this huge epic struggle not to; I was too focused on all my new Weight Watchers stuff to think about it.

Sure, there were a few rough moments in there—like when I bought the platter of cookies, I literally had to tell myself not to eat the whole thing in one sitting—but besides that, it was just fine.

Huh. That’s awesome. I’ll shoot for 2 weeks now.

Last Wednesday, 5/8, I was 152.6 

Today I weighed in at my second Weight Watchers meeting at 149.6! James and I literally danced around our kitchen when I came home and told him.

I remember the first time that I began my weight loss journey on August 4th of 2010. I stepped on the scale after my first week of changing my eating habits and had lost exactly 3 pounds. From there, it was a steady cycle of losing, because it was so motivating and exciting to see that initial drop that I just kept going. 

I remember being excited to step on the scale, because I knew it was going to reflect my work. The only times I’m not excited for it are when I know I’ve been binging.

This week, I knew I’d worked hard. And it paid off. 3 whole pounds is an awesome start. My leader was excited for me, which was nice, too, but the best thing was her reaction to seeing me walk in the door.

She was genuinely concerned for me when I came in and immediately asked, “You didn’t take on too much this week, did you? You did okay?” I could tell that she was worried about my binging, and she looked relieved when I told her I had a great first week and that I was happy to be there. 

My second meeting was successful. 

This week’s goals: 

• Do arm exercises every night till next week’s meeting. My arms are still the bane of my existence; while I’m doing something as major as joining WW, it’s time to change this too. So whether it be weights or push ups or WHATEVER, I need to do something every night till next Wednesday.
• Go for more walks. Between now and next week I want to get in at least 4 half hour walks as a minimum. 
• TONS of water EVERY day. I didn’t drink enough today and am totally feeling it; my head hurts =[ 

chubbyfashion:

riotsnotdiets:

gabifresh:

AHHHHH! My swim collection is AVAILABLE NOW! BUY IT HERE!
go to gabifresh.com for more pics and important info about sizing/fit before buying!

I just got mine!

posting again for the day crowd, THEY’RE HEEEEEERE!!!!!!!

This is awesome, love it 

(via beingthinisnotasin)

roadtoconfidence asked: i am forever your biggest fan

This is how I feel about this! Thank you <3

Last week’s goals were:

• Not eating anything unplanned at work; no more daily vending machine trips or fast food stops, PERIOD. That crap doesn’t make me feel good and it’s unnecessary, 100%. 
• Staying focused on not eating more than I need to. When I’m full, I can stop eating, not go and refill my plate till I’m sick.
• Going out of my way to park further from places to get more walking in!

I did all 3 of these. I never once over-ate. I will say that the vending machine did cross my mind more often than not, but I just decided to keep my head down and not look at it when I passed by it and that idea worked for me. 

I did, though, do something that got me through binging for the week. I bought a platter of thumbprint cookies, which normally would be dangerous, but I think that the combination of the admittance of having an eating disorder and the joining of Weight Watchers has made me feel a level of control that I haven’t had in years. 

So every day I’ve had between 3-5 of these cookies and added them into my daily points. Eating them has been my “daily dessert” and has stopped me from eating anything else that is “bad” for me, because I keep in mind that I’ve already eaten the cookies and don’t need anything else like that for the day. 

It’s worked for me. Today is my 2nd Weight Watcher’s meeting so I’ll update with my weigh-in and new goals later tonight!! Fingers crossed that I did indeed lose 2 pounds; 2 pounds would be a great start =]

I mean, I don’t hate them or anything. But I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, ALL I want is for my thighs to not rub together anymore. It’s just uncomfortable and a gross reminder that I don’t want.

Ok so I wasn’t going to weigh myself till Wednesday since that’s when I have my 2nd Weight Watchers meeting (also I realized I don’t have a scale anymore and that’s kind of necessary). BUT I’m at the doctor right now and the nurse had me hop on the scale and alright I peeked, I’m bad.

But it said 149.something! I dont know what that other number was but who cares? It’s my first week of WW and I started at 152.6 so any loss is one I’m happy with. I’ll still update with Wednesday’s weigh in but being back in the 140s is nice; it means that the 130s are just around the corner and the 130s for me were 100 times better than the 140s and 150s.

The ball is rolling :)

I believe not everyone is meant for the 9-5 corporate world. 

I believe some people are meant to set their own schedules and do things at their own pace because they have their own ideas and want to run their own business. This is nothing against anyone who has a 9-5 corporate job; some people not only want that, but are also amazing at it, and that’s awesome.

I believe some people just don’t know how to pinpoint one particular thing to do because they have so many interests. 

I believe that not knowing what you want to do doesn’t mean you’re lost or stupid or weird. In some cases it can just mean that you want to do or see so many things or learn about so much that you can’t just pick one.

I believe we shouldn’t have to pick just one, anyway. 

I believe we should be allowed to leave a job we’re unhappy in without everyone saying things like, “Well that was dumb,” or “Now you’re screwed.” You were screwed when you let yourself spend 8+ hours a day in a place you fucking hate. 

I believe we should be able to do what we want with our own lives without so many repercussions and downfalls and negative comments.

I believe I am talking to and about myself right now.

I’ve been hitting my daily Weight Watchers points exactly every day since I started—which was last Wednesday, just FYI for those who aren’t following along or are new followers!—but yesterday was the first day I went over.

I’m supposed to be at 26 points per day, which is what I’ve been consistently at [or slightly under]. Yesterday, though, I went for margaritas with a friend and had a few chips with salsa, so my points were at 47 because of that. 

Also, I bought some cookies for me to indulge in daily. Yes, daily. I don’t know why, but cookies have been my go-to craving the past month or so. So for a couple days I’ve had 3-5 cookies per day [they’re not large], added them into my points, and have still had points left over, which is nice; I’m not depriving myself but I’m not overdoing it either. Of course, at some point I’d like to have NO cookies but for now those babies are keeping me from buying up an entire cake and rolling around in it before eating the entire thing to my face.

I want to be VERY upfront with everything I’m eating so I wanted to share this. One cool thing about WW is that they factor in “extras” that you might want or need to indulge in, so I get 49 extra points per week for that purpose. So now I have 28 points remaining for the week. 

One goal is to not utilize the rest of those points, but I need to be realistic and know that I can’t make any promises to myself or you just yet; I need to dip my toes into recovery, not dive in, because that’s never worked for me. 

A part of me felt guilty for having the margaritas and eating the chips and salsa, but I decided to focus on the upside: I didn’t order any actual food plates, which was a huge accomplishment for me. Drunk Tara ALWAYS orders food. And that’s the purpose of the extra points, so it’s all good. I got over it.

On Wednesday after my Weight Watchers meeting I’ll post new goals for the week and re-visit the ones I made after my first meeting to see how I did!