Peace out, pudge!

i was naturally thin, a girl who proudly flaunted her body and the fact that it took nothing to keep it looking toned and tiny. binge-eating entered the picture in my early 20s, and the pounds packed on. in 2010 i took off 20+ pounds, but after getting my first "big girl job" in an office and having access to free food, i gave in and gained it all back. since then, it's been a roller coaster of gaining and losing weight AND gaining and losing love for my body. currently, i'm recovering from a back injury and still striving to get my body to look the way i want it to, but throughout the journey i've found a self-appreciation i never had before. if you're okay with some dirty words, lame jokes, and lots of cat pictures, follow along to keep up with my progress. i promise to always keep it interesting. <3

got the first part of my halloween costume. 

if you’re going to say something along the lines of, “it isn’t even october yet!” we clearly have not met before.

i start planning for halloween an embarrassing amount of time ahead. DGAF. 

i had my colposcopy yesterday. it went as well as it could, considering the procedure sucks and causes you to cramp up like a mofo. i do like the doctor i had for it, though; ive gone to her before and we got along really well. she told jokes and asked me to talk about work to keep me distracted, which i appreciated, because she knows i hate pap smears and colpos are basically a pap smear on crack. so i talked about makeup for 15 minutes, since i work in beauty, and now she and her nurse want to come visit me at work to pick makeup out…which is hilarious since they both just saw my private parts all up in their faces.

so no exercising allowed for a couple days, to allow me to heal up. i took it easy last night because i felt nauseous and was very crampy, but am already doing much better today =] 



I love pears.

this is like the cutest thing ever.

(via xmaryxmoox)

that challenge i wrote about in my last post starts on october 1st, so we’ll be sent all the necessary material before then. im excited to check it out. i think the structure of it will help me stay motivated and on track.

i had a talk with a friend yesterday who also needs help with her own journey. we’ve agreed to have each others backs. we’ll be discussing more in-depth this week how we can help each other out with this whole thing, since we’ve been struggling so much thus far.

ill also be making a “binge-free calendar” starting on monday. i think seeing how far i can go without a binge is a good idea and will push me to try harder to see the numbers go up. 

im going to the doctor today to have a procedure done that i am NOT happy about. ill just be happy to get it done with. but today has been spent laying in bed reading “orange is the new black” [my mama got it for me from the library! 4 for you, mama] and not wanting to do anything, especially go to the doctor =[ 

no T25 for me today thanks to my back injury feeling weird again. not trying to push it. sometimes i wonder if i can complete the program all the way through again, thanks to that injury. obviously id love to keep with it since ive finally found an exercise that i genuinely love but i dont want to hurt myself again and be dumb about it. anyway. more on that another time.

i hope everyone is having a nice day! <3

Asker Anonymous Asks:
y u no post anymore pudgies? too busy? frustrated? cute co. misses you!
pudgeball pudgeball Said:

im back! im here! i miss cute co. too! yes, mostly just very busy, but i hope you cuties have been well 

my weight has fluctuated so many times, i’m pretty sure i give kirstie alley a run for her money. or roseanne barr. or whoever else yo-yos up and down the scale like there’s no tomorrow. 

i got sick the sunday before last with the head cold that was going around my store. it was bad enough for me to get sent home two days in a row, then spend the next two on the couch on my “weekend” so i could recover and get back to work on friday. i felt better until james basically said, “tag, you’re it!” and gave me back the cold that i passed on to him. so we both still aren’t 100%, but the point of this story is to say that i didnt exercise last week because i was too sick.

today i started week 4 of T25 over, since i was too sick to complete it before, and feel like moving on to week 5 is kinda “cheating.” 

i also signed up for a free 30 day challenge that is made to get people in shape before halloween, just because it seems like a fun thing to do and we all know i love me some halloween so anything themed for it can count me in. it includes recipes and workouts along with contests and an accountability group, so it seems fun. my friend laura [redheaded laura, not my brunette baby laura] will be doing it with me, so that’ll help too. 

im not going to focus on the scale much, but i do have about 25 pounds id like to be gone from my body. im uncomfortable and seeing what i look like in pictures is getting a little cringe-worthy, but only because i know that this weight isnt where i want to be. 

this isnt a hateful thing, though. i dont hate or even dislike my body. i just know that around 120-125 lbs is where i was really comfortable, happy, and healthy. every time ive been there, ive been happiest.

but thats where the progress comes in: when i first started doing this, i really despised my body and the extra weight. there is a lot more self-love involved in this process, and that makes me happy. 

i know ive been absent on here and honestly, that really isnt okay for me to be doing. i do so much better with staying on track with fitness and clean eating when i update regularly and interact with you all… so i know how important it is to stay on here.

my friend mike is a really hard worker. he’s been busting his ass for years to make his dreams a reality. he’s been working with an awesome artist to create a comic book series, which you can check out above. if you could please take some time out of your day to take a look at their work and donate towards their kickstarter campaign, that would be awesome.

i ask that you keep in mind the fact that we all start somewhere and helping each other is so important. please help my friend’s dream and hard work turn into a reality that he truly the very least, if you could reblog, that’d be amazing. thank you in advance <3

ive worked half shifts the past two days and then was sent home for being nasty mcgrosserson because i half a fat ass head cold. i sound like a dude and i want to curl up and sleep for 9 million hours.

i did sleep till 12:30 today, though, i dont like that AT ALL. 10 years ago i would have loved that; now, i despise sleeping past 9 at the latest. i feel like ive wasted so much time when i do. but i will say that i feel slightly better today, so maybe i needed it. 

im trying hard to make big things happen for myself. i want big changes in lots of aspects of life. im working hard at it and to be honest, things are slow-moving, but i dont really care. i will keep pushing, and i will wait, and something big and good will happen, because that’s what happens when you keep the faith and trust in the process. 

random thoughts thursday [i just made that shit up right now]:

  • dodson is looking like such a big kitty already and it makes me kinda sad. yes, i realize i sound like some psychotic cat mom but i am one so i suppose thats fine. but i remember when we first got him and he was so teeny that he was shaky and still had big blue eyes. now he’s a big boy who can run up the stairs all by himself. THEY GROW UP SO FAST.
  • todays workout did not go so well. it required quite a bit of balance, which i already lack, but i seemed extra clumsy today for some reason; i was really struggling. i did it, though! just not very gracefully. 
  • shark week wins this round, what else is new? my nutrition is still not the world’s greatest [like r. kelly is?] but im still trying and still improving.
  • i had a really nice talk with my dad about saving money for a house. my dad has been very successful and that was because he was smart about his money and his work. ive written before about his worth ethic and how id like to be on the same level someday. he gave me smart tips that, today, i started to follow. 
Asker Anonymous Asks:
You are adored, esteemed and supported. You are admired, respected and honored. You are beautiful inside and out and your strength, persistence and resilience are brilliant. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous soul with your followers. <3
pudgeball pudgeball Said:

this is just a really beautiful message for so many reasons. thank you so much! i am so touched by this. i love every sentence of it. thank you. what a nice thing to write. 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
I'll bet every man you dated before James regularly kicks themselves for being an absolute idiot to lose an amazing woman like you!
pudgeball pudgeball Said:

well YOU’RE precious, thank you for thinking this even though im pretty sure all those guys would be like “NOPE” if they read this hahah. thanks lovebug, that’s sweet <3

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Dude your brother is smoking hot! They both are! And you're even hotter! Are your parents both models or something?! So much hot in one family isn't fair!
pudgeball pudgeball Said:

i actually sent this to my mom and said “ive been saying i’m hotter than them for YEARS now, finally someone gets me!” 

but seriously, thank you. thats really sweet. and hilarious. my parents apparently were a good genetic match, and i like to think they’re good looking people who are also hilarious themselves. but if you’d like to see some pictures from when my brothers and i were all super gross looking, id be happy to share =] 

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Love that lippie so red. Bet you could even pull off blue. I thought everyone loved your car selfies As much as I do!
pudgeball pudgeball Said:

i enjoy your enthusiasm for the red lip AND your rhyming capabilities, anon friend <3 thank you!



Oh, right. The marathon. The marathon for Disneyland, the marathon chosen especially to run around Disneyland, Disneyland’s marathon. That marathon?

This guy had to have been more popular than the actual characters for the event.


(via emyfersure)

hi guys! ive got some super nice messages in my inbox to respond to still, but wanted to let you know im still here—and still trying. im on week 3 now of my second official round of T25, and am working on clean eating for the full month of september. james and i are also going to be working out together quite a bit, which will be really helpful for both of us.

in other news, my brother is home from afghanistan, much earlier than expected :) i got to pick him up from the airport, which i was stoked to do.
we had a fun weekend with him but im just thankful he is home safe.