Sorry this blog is basically, “Wahhhh I can’t stop binging,” and “I love Shaun T 4EVR” and “MY BOYFRIEND IS THE BEST,” but seriously, my boyfriend is the best.
James went on a RANT last night about how eating disorders are a legitimate problem in society and how more people—with an emphasis on men—need to stop making women believe that they need to look a certain way. He said he was disgusted by the fact that magazines airbrush, that he hates how men pressure women into looking one way and then ragging on them when they finally do, and that he feels bad for young girls who may not yet have the confidence to grow up looking and feeling the way they want to.
When James and I met I was around 120-125 lbs, which I loved being. So I was pretty thin around that time. Since then I’ve gone from being over 150 pounds to where I am now, most likely around 138 but with much less fat content than before.
And at every single weight, this guy has told me I look amazing. He’s told me every day that I look beautiful. He’s told me he loves my body and everything about it. The only reason he cared about my binging was because he wanted me to be healthy and happy; he wasn’t disgusted by it when I began to give him details. He just said, “What can I do to help?”
If I have a full face on for work or a night out, James thinks I look pretty.
If I have makeup smeared on my face from 8 hours ago and I’ve sweated half of it off, James thinks I look pretty.
If I have absolutely no makeup on my face and haven’t plucked my eyebrows in a week, James thinks I look pretty.
James genuinely cares about womens’ health. And to me, that is just another huge reason to be in love with this person. He does his best to understand and educate himself on what’s going on with me, and he knows that eating disorders are a disease and one that women [and men, while we’re at it] should not be faulted for because they’re suffering through it.
During this rant, I could not think of anything else besides, I am so proud that you are mine.
Instead of going makeup-less and not doing my hair to depict the fact that I’m pissed and upset about my back being messed up, I’ve decided to look as good as possible today. Because when you look good, you feel good. And even if my back hurts, I plan on mentally being juuuust fine.
Plan of attack: red lips, big hair, and songs that make me feel like a bad ass while I get ready.
thanks anon <3 a few other people said that too so i looked into it and it definitely looks like a possibility. im going to try to get an appointment for today or tomorrow but i promise i wont be working out till its been fixed! im too scared to even try, to be honest. thanks for the message, i appreciated your input on this!
Sad face to not being able to work out, but seriously, thanks for the messages on comments on my last post.
How I know I’ve come a long way: when I’m upset more by the fact that I may not be able to exercise and go to work for a while than I am because I’m in serious pain. Last year I would have been like HELL YEAH I’LL TAKE AN EXCUSE TO LAY AROUND ALL DAY! And proceeded to headed to the couch to watch Netflix all day. I still love me some Netflix, OBVIOUSLY, but I’ve grown to love Shaun T and my daily workouts more.
I’ll be going to the doctor tomorrow so I’ll keep you guys updated on what they say is wrong with my back. I do think a pinched nerve or a slipped disc like some of you suggested sounds about right, but honestly I’ve got no experience with this stuff so I have no freaking idea. Which makes it more upsetting but whatever, I’ll get it checked out.
Sooooo today’s the first day in a long long time that I haven’t headed over to my parents’ to exercise before work! I feel weird! Like what do I do with myself now with all this extra time?!
I’m gonna laze around for a while and then I’ll get ready for work early and actually put effort into my hair and makeup—yesterday I did it in the car, worst beauty concierge ever—and fix my nails since they’re chipped and look like ass.
Obviously I’m not going to diagnose myself over the internet but if you have any thoughts on this please share because I’m seriously freaked out right now.
I’m working today and as I was walking, something happened in my lower back that made me stop in my tracks and gasp in pain. My legs felt numb briefly and I literally couldn’t walk for a minute or so till I collected myself and pushed through it.
It feels like something is out of place maybe? I don’t know about this shit but it’s happened 3 times now. I feel ok right now but the pain feels…paralyzing, for lack of a better word. It’s terrifying and I’ve never felt anything like that before.
I don’t know what to do with this but I feel very scared right now.
Until I get to Gamma—and to all those asking if I’m going to do it, yes, I do plan on it! Soon!—I’m going to be starting T25 over from day 1.
Uh, yes, again haha.
I did two videos today. Tomorrow I’ll do two as well; day 2 of Alpha and day 2 of Beta. Next day will be day 3 of each cycle, and so on and so forth. Hopefully this makes sense; I’m wiped out from today’s workouts =]
I’ll also be doing a class at the gym 1-2 times a week to start, and utilizing the punching bag every single day starting today.
James and I are also going to look into a gym membership together this week, now that we know that yes, we can indeed renew our lease in the loft! If we had to move we didn’t want to commit to a gym but now that we know we don’t have to go anywhere maybe we’ll sign up this week and keep each other motivated <3
Sorry I’ve been slacking on the updates, but I’m back and ready to blow up your dashboard like never before. Or just like I usually do. Whatever. You get it.
I’m on a mission, starting today, to step up my fitness to an even higher level. I’m in a wedding in July and need to keep that in mind every single day. I also need to constantly remind myself that I can’t go back to where I was—it took a lot of hard work and dedication to get where I am today.
I do like where I’m at, but I also know how much more I want to change. I’ve got a vision in my head of the body I want, and if I “start” really busting my ass today, that body could be hanging out on the beach this summer.
I’m excited for everything I’m about to do. Details soon—I’ve got some exercise to bust out right now :)