Peace out, pudge!

i was naturally thin, a girl who proudly flaunted her body and the fact that it took nothing to keep it looking toned and tiny. binge-eating entered the picture in my early 20s, and the pounds packed on. in 2010 i took off 20+ pounds, but after getting my first "big girl job" in an office and having access to free food, i gave in and gained it all back. since then, it's been a roller coaster of gaining and losing weight AND gaining and losing love for my body. currently, i'm recovering from a back injury and still striving to get my body to look the way i want it to, but throughout the journey i've found a self-appreciation i never had before. if you're okay with some dirty words, lame jokes, and lots of cat pictures, follow along to keep up with my progress. i promise to always keep it interesting. <3
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more pictures to show you what ive been up to lately! the left is one of my brothers and i at a surprise get-together i had for james last thursday night to celebrate him becoming master certified at mercedes. this is at a craft beer spot; hence the beer in the background. the right is me with friends ive had since i was 7 years old at becky’s wedding! im in love with both of these pictures.

im about to go workout, but am not feeling so hot today. my stomach is definitely doing its own thing. but its not enough to stop a workout! i need to get shit done. im feeling good about july as a whole when it comes to exercise and the continuation of changing my body.


plain greek yogurt just does NOT do it for me. i stuck some banana slices and oats in there to mix it up a little but it seriously just grosses me out to no end. like im doing the stink eye right now just thinking about it. but it was all i had today so i made it happen, along with some almond milk, which i love long time. 

i had all that then did the second day of beta for T25, which is speed 2.0. if you remember from a few months ago, that is actually my favorite workout out of all the videos, so i was juuuust fine with that. my back did bug me a bit during certain moves [squats were a no-go] so i just took it super easy during those moves and tried not to exert myself more than necessary. i think it went alright. 

i am definitely still sore though.

tomorrow i swim again. and im going to the fair with amber and some other friends; it’s opening day. i asked amber to make sure i dont eat anything that isnt healthy at the fair; places like that are basically a binger’s dream, or nightmare, depending on how you look at it. i told her ive got 25 days now to get that bridesmaid dress on my body, so fair food aint gonna cut it. im gonna take some water and healthy snacks with me to be safe. 

off to work i go now :( i dont wanna! but today is my friday, so im glad for that much at least! 

wedding #1 was super fun. i had such a good time with james’ family and of course the bride looked amazing. i did drink and eat more than planned but i was also walking and dancing all night so its whatever to me; sorry i aint sorry.

yesterday we celebrated my best friend’s engagement, which was a lot of fun and well-needed friend time.

i feel like things were dull for me for the past two months what with the back injury and my lame attitude towards it, but my summer is about to be a busy and fun one; weddings, trips, and birthdays are about to be taking over my life.

i love being in the water so much. feeling like you’re weightless is amazing—especially when you spend most of your time feeling so heavy! and in the water, it’s like there’s nothing wrong with my back; it’s like the sprain doesnt exist.

i’ve been around pools my whole life, since a few of my parents’ houses either had them in the backyard or else there was easy access to a community one. i am by NO means a pro swimmer—like seriously, “doggy paddle” is my middle name—but i just enjoy being able to do whatever i want in the water. front flips, backflips, flopping over onto my back, whatever, i just love it. in our old apartment complex, james and i would visit the community pool at night when nobody was around, and i’d just lay on my back in the water and look up at the sky surrounded by palm trees and stare at the stars. it was amazing. 

i did some squats and crunches when we got home, too. i wanted to use the punching bag, but james talked me out of it; two nights ago, i bruised the SHIT out of my elbow, and it’s hurting me pretty badly. sidenote, i think its hilarious that i finally held my arm up to my mom yesterday and exclaimed, “okay, seriously, is my elbow bruised?! because its been hurting SO much the past two days!” and she looks at it and goes, “wow, it’s so dirty!” 

MOM. IT’S BRUISED. LIKE I JUST. SAID. HELLO. and give me some credit here, i clean myself, lady! so yeah, definitely bruised up pretty bad. 

james brought me up an ice pack a few minutes ago so i’m sitting in bed, resting my back and keeping the elbow covered in ice. i’m a hot mess, but i feel like my mental rut that i’ve been stuck in is actually and truly finally over.

wedding mania is upon me—this weekend we go to our first one, then next weekend we have two back to back! ridiculous, but it should be fun. we’ve got a few more after that, so it’s a wedding-filled summer for me. 

i didnt do the “bad” thing i was thinking about doing. but i probably will tomorrow. and that bad thing is T25. 


ok so forreal though i promise to be careful, not over-do it, and to stop if anything hurts. i am worried for the fact that i’m going to feel out of shape and gross, and it’ll suck, but i can get past that. i just want to try.

i swam today, which was nice. swimming, dancing, and biking are some of my favorite workouts [besides things with shaun t. I LOVE SHAUN T OMG YOU DONT EVEN KNOW] for sure. it also felt just fine on my back, which is obviously the most important thing right now. 

i also had a really nice and totally random conversation with a friend who texted and asked if we could talk about weight-loss related stuff. she ended up giving me a call and sharing her own weight struggles, and it turns out we have a very similar story and experience. we also share similar feelings on the subject. it ended up being a completely spontaneous but also super awesome conversation. 

To the anon from earlier, I’d like to touch on that message for the last time—I did not mean that post to be offensive or triggering and am sorry that it was perceived that way. As my friend lover lover and friend, Laura, asked, “Why is this bothering you?” I usually don’t even think twice about negativity online, but triggering and judgmental are not things I’d like to be. I feel like this whole thing was a misunderstanding on both sides and I just want it stated that adding to someone’s pain over losing their mother in any capacity is not something I would ever do purposely. 

On a lighter note! My back sprain is acting up quite a bit today and the meds didn’t cut it the way they have been. James has been helping me since I got home, which is great. 

Shark week is upon us [why do I feel like I say that ALL THE TIME? Why can’t periods just be once a year? Actually, why do I even share with you guys when I’m PMSing?!] once again. So the next week or so will be a struggle to not eat the entire universe in one sitting. 

I found plastic tiaras at work today, so of course my super cute coworker, Alex, and I spent the rest of the shift running around in them. Duh. 

Sometimes I just make random noises when I’m hanging out with people or working so that’s what the title of this post is supposed to convey. 

I am super fucking weird and sometimes I don’t know how you guys still read this blog hahaha. 

Random stuff: 

  • Yesterday I had a work training with Maybelline. I love seeing certain teammates of mine, because we work independently in our stores so we only see each other at trainings. Plus, learning about makeup for 2 hours is something you can’t really complain about. We also covered Essie and Garnier and I can say that Maybelline and Essie both have a million products coming out soon that I really want!
  • Two of my best friends came by yesterday, which was nice. One came to visit because she knows I’ve been down about my back injury, so that really lifted my spirits.
  • Speaking of my back, I hate it. I was feeling good yesterday so I didn’t take as much medication as I was supposed to. Bad idea! Last night sucked. Back at it with the meds today.
  • Tonight one of the girls in my group is back in town, so allllll the besties [I really don’t like that word but I continue to use it. Hm] are getting together :)
  • I’m training someone at work tonight. Hopefully she’s nice. So far I’ve gotten lucky and have had a good time with everyone I’ve trained but I fear the day where I get someone I despise haha. I realize that’s douchey but it’s how I feel so there ya go.

How many of you live in the Bay Area?? If we haven’t discussed it before please message me! I feel like more and more of you are popping up and I didn’t realize we were so close to each other!

I got tagged for the smile train by the super awesome exploringkirsty! And yes, my lips are bright ass purple today; totally normal! I tag the following pretty ladies =] 

I got tagged for the smile train by the super awesome exploringkirsty! And yes, my lips are bright ass purple today; totally normal! I tag the following pretty ladies =] 






The police found James’ motorcycle! And it’s intact and was completely taken care of; some douchebag has been riding it, so it WASN’T sold for parts! So crazy! I am so happy for him. He’s not sure yet what he’s going to do, since insurance has already kicked in and taken care of everything, but I know he’s thrilled to know that it’s been found and I’m SO happy for him.

I hate whoever took the smile off his face when they did this. James is the nicest person and the hardest worker; he was so happy when he finally got that bike and he was so proud to ride it with his friends. He literally treats it like it’s his baby. 

Last night I went to an event with Jordan and Kayla at TopCoat Nail Studio in San Francisco. We made flower crowns—well, they did, I gave up halfway through because baby doesn’t have the patience or the graceful fingers, sadly—ate cupcakes, and met a few nice girls. I definitely want to go back at some point to get my nails done there, because the nail art looks amazing. Afterwards, we headed to a beautiful hotel bar with a live jazz band playing right in front of us. Like, uh, literally, 4 feet away from our table. I had macaroni & cheese that was effing amazing, and then afterwards Kayla walked me back to BART so I could catch my train home. So fun! Such a good night. 

I feel weird not writing about workouts right now but the shooting pain in my back is less and less frequent and I have my fingers crossed that very soon I will be up and running again. For now the majority of my exercise comes from the daily walking at work; I’m on my feet all day! Today I might wear heels; we’ll see how non-lazy I’m feeling but as of right now I’m pretty much in sloth mode!

Whenever I post about me “falling off the wagon” or “messing up” when it comes to eating habits, I always think, this is it. People are finally going to be sick of this and stop reading this blog. And every single time, you guys surprise me by providing me with support, kind words, and endless amounts of love. I don’t even know WHY I’m surprised at all, at this point! So thank you, lovers, for being so good to me as always and keeping me motivated <3 

I will say this, though—I will never stop trying. I will never quit. I will never be so discouraged that I just STOP. 

It does not matter how slow you go, so long as you do not stop, right? 


My mom and I always joke about how I’ve got a great rejection bounce-back rate, and even though that’s kinda sorta embarrassing, I’m also proud of it.

Get rejected by a job? Apply for another. Get rejected by a guy? There’ll be another who appreciates you more. Mess up with weight loss? Start a clean slate with your eating during the next meal, or the next morning. Get pooped on by life? Make tomorrow better. 

So you know, I did eat clean yesterday, took all my vitamins, and drank lots of water. I got some healthy snacks to stick in the car again in case I get cravings; I find that that helps me a lot. I also raided my parents’ fridge—no, they cannot get rid of me—this morning for fruit, thanks guys! 

Summer, and my friend’s wedding, are right around the corner now! It truly is crunch time, to make sure I am as happy and as healthy as possible for these events. 


Today was nice. I went to lunch with Laura and World’s Cutest Baby (please see: on the right), then met up with OTHER Laura (the one I write about every effing day) and our friend Roxanne to go to a peony farm! The garden was beautiful but it was a bad surprise to find out that you can’t take any flowers home yet. I wanted to surprise my mom with a few (AWW, I know, right?! CUTIE) but alas it will have to wait.

Back to work tomorrow! Hopefully my back doesn’t pull any fast ones and bust out with the hardcore pain again. I’m currently curled up in bed with my friends vicodin and Icy Hot patch, so I’m hoping that helps!

  • Tomorrow I will officially be signed up as a Beachbody coach—so yes, I will have my own team and yes I would love to have YOU on it if you’re interested in joining me =] More details tomorrow though after I’m all done signing up!
  • I got my T25 “NAILED IT” shirt today!! I was SO happy to see the package sitting on my porch before I left for work! I was like YAAAASSSSSSS….seriously, out loud, because the neighbors don’t already think I’m weird enough
  • James’ mama and sister brought over some meds and a heating pack for me to help with my back, and I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow, so I will definitely be updating about that. Thanks again to everyone for all the support! You guys are so awesome! I really appreciate all of the messages and comments, it’s so amazing to see how much people band together on this site when you need something. 

*Hand raise*

I woke up with an upset stomach and a headache, so no workout for me this morning; if I’m feeling better tonight I will bust one out, but for now I’m trying to be smart and listen to what my body is telling me. 

And what it was saying was….”Don’t get out of bed.”

I am going to work, though; I love my boss and don’t want to inconvenience her by calling out last minute, PLUS I’m forever a broke ho and need the money. Can’t wait till I’m a rich ho instead! Wait, what?

My dad did T25 with me yesterday, and he took it more seriously this time, which made me happy. 

This weekend I will actually be sitting down to put together a plan of attack to change some things in my life, because I don’t like how certain things are going and I can’t stand whining about things but not changing them. Don’t like it when others do it, definitely hate it when I do it myself. So I’ll be working on that.

Tonight is a friend’s birthday celebration, so it’ll be nice to hang out and get some friend time in; hopefully my stomach is feeling better by that time!

I’ve told a BUNCH of you this, but if any of you are doing T25 [or any workout program or just…uh…anything, I guess] seriously feel free to message me if you feel down or discouraged or just plain not in the mood to get your workout in. 

I’ve had a lot of you message me about not having the motivation to do it and trust me, I. HAVE. BEEN. THERE. But I’m finally at a point in my life where not only is the motivation and dedication running high, but it just is now a part of my daily routine. I don’t think twice now; there is no, “Am I going to work out today?” 

The answer is always YES. 

I’m past making excuses and falling off the wagon. I’m steady and stable now. So if you need someone to push you towards that, or just need a, “hey, you can get through that 25 minutes, you’ll be glad you did!” please just write me a message =] 

Things are very busy lately. In the past week, I’ve slept at the aquarium, gone to the beach, visited the Cal Academy of Sciences, and will be bungee jumping tomorrow, on top of working full-time and getting in my workouts every day. 

The pictures above are from last night, when we celebrated Laura’s birthday in San Francisco. The t-rex was the first thing we saw, so I was immediately excited; I love me some dinosaurs. My friend Melissa is on the left! I’d never been to the Academy of Sciences before but I was in love with it! Such a cool place! If you live in the Bay Area and haven’t been, go check that shit out. 

Today I train a newbie till 4 and then will be leaving work early for Antonio’s viewing. Thanks for all the support and advice on that! I haven’t wanted to talk about it much with anyone, but writing about it helps quite a bit. I am really nervous about seeing him but also glad to have the chance to say goodbye. 

I did my workout today, but instead of doing a double day this week I’m opting to do Speed 2.0 on Sunday instead. Since I get up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow to bungee jump, I won’t be doing it tomorrow, but I like doing one on the weekend to still feel on track, so Sunday it is.