Peace out, pudge!

i was naturally thin, a girl who proudly flaunted her body and the fact that it took nothing to keep it looking toned and tiny. binge-eating entered the picture in my early 20s, and the pounds packed on. in 2010 i took off 20+ pounds, but after getting my first "big girl job" in an office and having access to free food, i gave in and gained it all back. since then, it's been a roller coaster of gaining and losing weight AND gaining and losing love for my body. currently, i'm recovering from a back injury and still striving to get my body to look the way i want it to, but throughout the journey i've found a self-appreciation i never had before. if you're okay with some dirty words, lame jokes, and lots of cat pictures, follow along to keep up with my progress. i promise to always keep it interesting. <3
Posts tagged "mcdonalds"

had a few close calls last night, but i controlled myself! i made my boyfriend a little ‘care package’ because he had surgery on his shoulder yesterday, and included in it was a heart-shaped box of reeses [our favorite]. i had this ridiculous urge to have a few from the box, but i forced myself not to because a) i didn’t need a bunch of chocolate and b) its kiiiind of rude to give someone a gift and open it and eat part of it!

 while at the grocery store i felt very overwhelmed and borderline upset at seeing all the food. i struggle every day with not binging and being around all these things i want to eat but cant is kind of frustrating. but i remind myself that these things are bad for me and do not make me feel good mentally or physically, and that makes it much easier to not touch anything in there.

 i think im going to make it a goal to never eat mcdonalds again. ive been wanting to steer away from it for a while now but for some reason always end up going back at some point, and i really want to never do that again. quitting the fries will be the toughest part, but im gonna give it a shot; i don’t want that crap in my body!

I love being ‘good’ full. You know, when you just ate something awesome like a fruit salad or a bunch of veggies or some good chicken and have drank lots of water and you feel full but it’s not a GROSS full. It’s not the kind of full where you just binged on a ton of chocolate or over-did it at McDonalds or something similarly crappy that you know wasn’t a good idea but you did it anyway and now you feel like ass. It’s good feeling full of stuff you know will benefit you, and tasted good, too.

Sometimes—and by ‘sometimes’ I mean always around the time of my period—I get tired of eating all healthy, all the time. Sometimes, although it is rare, I want to go binge. I want to eat a Big Mac, or get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or two [it’s been known to happen], or over-eat on purpose just because I can.

And when I get like that, I always try to justify it by mentally and defiantly insisting, who cares? I’m just going to eat this, who cares? If I shove all of this in my mouth, who cares? It’s one binge. It’s just a bunch of food. It’s not a big deal, so who cares?

I care, that’s who. And if I’m the most important person to me, then where do I get off saying who cares? I do. That binge is only hurting me. It’s setting me back from my goal. It’s making me feel bloated and sick from eating too much, and it’s giving me a headache from consuming too much sugar, and it’s ruining my energy levels. And it’s making me sad that I’m getting in the way of myself improving.

So, yeah, sometimes a binge will take place. I can’t be perfect and neither can you. But the next time I go to do it, and I think to myself, who cares, it’s just once, I’ll remind myself of this: you care.

I spent a large part of my day today with my mom and got a ton of walking in while doing so, so I’m happy. But I’m happier because we stopped by McDonalds so she could pick something up for her and my brother, and I stuck with a small cup of hot oatmeal and fruit.

It was hard to not get the fries—the burgers don’t do it for me so much but those fries will always have my heart—but I was pleased with my choice and didn’t feel gross and bloated afterwards, so that’s a win.

My mom was pressuring me to get a fruit drink, but I told her it wasn’t worth it; I stand by my thoughts on not drinking my calories when I could be eating them instead. She said something along the lines of, “It’s a lemonade drink, how many calories could it be?” but I wasn’t fooled by it…and after checking out the calories [380] I’m glad that I didn’t waste that on a tiny drink.

But if I do, I want to really commit to it:

one time at band camp, a few years ago, I said I was going to be a vegetarian…and 3 hours later went to McDonalds and got a burger. WTF?!

I mean, that wouldn’t happen this time, but if I do it I really want to do it. I’ve been researching and talking to current [and past!] vegetarians and feel like I’m getting closer to making the step towards it.

Any thoughts/tips/encouragement/discouragement/opinions/anything else you might wanna say just to say it because why the hell not??

I ate McDonalds the night before last night, which makes me want to punch a baby [not really. Calm yourself.] but I was way below my calories for the day and had no time to eat dinner, so I put Satan’s burger in my mouth. I. KNOW.

It was 2 tiny-ass cheeseburgers and fries. Not good, I know, but it was either that or no dinner, and crap food is better than no food when you’re that low, so I did it. Plus, I will not hate on those fries; McDonalds fries are effing good. If loving them is wrong then my heart won’t let me be right.

Feel the love, though: as I was shoving fries into my mouth and bitching about an earlier fight with my mom, I said to my friend, “I’m so irritated that I’m eating this. And now I have to blog about it, goddammit. I can’t lie on the blog!”

So there you have it. My poor food choice for the week. I’ll slap myself on the hand….or I just won’t do it again for awhile.

i had a conversation about how amazing mcdonalds breakfast is the other day, and now that i’m fully in weight-loss-mode i automatically wondered how many calories are in an egg mcmuffin; before that would never have crossed my mind.

500 calories for large fries?! way to ruin my LIFE.

300 for the egg mcmuffin wouldnt seem so bad if i didnt demolish that in .5 seconds!

not like i wasnt expecting it to be bad, because i was; it’s mcdonalds, of course it wasnt gonna be pretty. but still. porque, mcdonalds?!

yesterday i sat down and wrote out what i used to eat in a typical day, before i began my weight-loss journey on august 4th, 2010. after adding up everything, i realized that i was eating over 3000 calories per day on a regular day.

the mini-pizzas that i write about all the time—if loving them is wrong then i don’t wanna be right—are 560 calories. on a normal day, i was eating 4 of those. um, sometimes more, since we’re being honest here. that’s 2240 calories on mini-pizzas ALONE, and i just considered those to be a snack. i wasn’t even eating those as an entire meal. i’d eat them with something else entirely, like a sandwich or a bagel.

or i’d eat 3 or 4 of those and go get taco bell with one of my friends. we were eating taco bell literally every day for over a month; it was like a joke to us. as soon as we’d meet up we’d head directly over. i’ve eaten both taco bell and mcdonalds in one day, multiple times.

i’m glad things have changed.

you feel 100 times better when you pig out on healthy stuff than you do when you eat a load of crap. keep that in mind next time you want something like mcdonalds or one of your beloved mini pizzas, cuz they ain’t that good.

i’ve been hungry for the past 2 hours or so. well, not actually HUNGRY—it’s that fake hunger thing where someone said “mcdonalds” in front of me and i was immediately like i want mcdonalds when 5 seconds before, i was perfectly fine.

i had a big and amazing dinner and ate steadily throughout the day today so i’m trying to convince myself that no, i do not need food and it’s just in my head.

i’m gonna drink some water and go to sleep and wake up glad that i made the decision not to eat anything!

i think it’s really important to congratulate yourself even on the smallest weight-loss victories, on the scale and off. NSVs are equally as important as seeing the numbers drop.

i was pleased with myself today because i got a craving for fries from mcdonalds [which i’m obsessed with. say what you want about the other food on the menu, those fries are freaking good] and talked myself out of it. i don’t need to spend the money on that or spend the calories on something so unhealthy, so i’m glad i didnt do it.

i think you need to pat yourself on the back as often as possible. you’re the one embarking on the weight-loss journey, so in my opinion it’s very important to be your biggest cheerleader.

at the end of the day you’re the one feeling the changes and seeing every little difference in your body. you need to keep your spirits up and not allow yourself to be consumed with or depressed by the process.

nobody else can do that for you, so step up!

yesterday! no i’m not freaking out, no i’m not going into some downward binging spiral, no it’s not a big deal.

it was one day of eating crappy food and no worries, i’m not doing it again. i haven’t done it in months. and yes, i did use the excuse of halloween weekend—sorry, but it’s my favorite holiday. actually, halloween is just my favorite DAY, period. but it won’t be happening again, so i’m not going to feel bad about it.

today i go to laura’s to work on our costumes for tonight. we were struggling a bit yesterday because we’re making every part of them ourselves and thought it’d be way easier than it actually is—mistake #1! but today we’re determined to get it done and make it look good, so whatever; tonight will be fun =]

i’ve eaten cereal for breakfast and i’m about to bring some grapes to laura’s so i’ve got something healthy. next week i plan on exercising hardcore every day; i want the last 5 lbs gone so i can only be 5 from my goal. today, i’ll just focus on getting my headband done! hope everyone has fun tonight <3

A friend and I went hiking today and we discussed binging for a few minutes before moving on to other weight issues. The topic of binging hits close to home for me though because it was just 2 short months ago that I was binging on a daily basis. Binging is the reason I’ve put on 30 pounds and binging, to be honest, is something I enjoyed doing.

Portion control is hard for me. I hate it. I don’t want to do it. I want to go back for seconds or thirds or sometimes even fourths of something, I want to eat 2 pints of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting and I want to have fries from McDonalds with a burrito from Taco Bell with a beer in hand too […that made me sound like I’m some fat GUY but whatever, it’s true].

So I guess now it’s a matter of choice: what do I want more? Do I want a burger or three [okayyyy, or five—that’s more like what I was doing] or do I want my old body back? Do I want to be in shape? Do I want to feel light again? Do I want to be able to breathe when I walk up a freakin flight of stairs?

Yes. So I’ll keep driving past McDonalds and I’ll say no thanks to the beer and I’ll keep my distance from Ben and Jerry and when I finally feel good again I can be so glad that I did.

I decided to hop on the scale again today—not sure why, since I’m not a big scale user but I told myself last week that I’d start weighing myself regularly—and I’ve lost 3 pounds since Wednesday.

FUCK. YES.

I don’t have patience [seriously, none of it] and so I’m one of those people who gets frustrated about a week in of trying to lose weight because I’m not seeing the progress I want, even though I logically know that no results will really be showing before 2. So I’m glad I got on the scale today, because even though I can’t see a 3 pound loss on me, at least I know I’m under 140 now and 3 pounds closer to where I want to be.

Those 3 pounds being gone were really encouraging! I saw a McDonalds bag in my car later [gross, Tara, how long has THAT been there?!] and normally, my first thought would be to go get some fries. Today, my first instinct was to want to beat the scale next week too.

Bring it on, fat.